Saturday, July 15, 2017

Guilt of being a Christian and Lesbian...Is there any?

Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me?
John 8:46

Today I got an email that asked a very important question. It was "Please how do you handle the guilt of being a Christian and a lesbian?"  I have been meaning to write on this subject for some time now and just not gotten to it.  I get asked this a lot believe it or not.

I honestly don't have any guilt.  Not from that!  Sure I have guilt in my life, but it stems from sins that are not because I am gay.  I don't feel being gay as a sin.  I have read too many books on the matter and studied too much to believe that it is wrong to be gay.  I honestly believe that I didn't just wake up one day and say "Hey, I think I am gay"  No, I know I was born this way.

Knowing that I came from the womb this way, made this way and knowing that in Genesis 1:26 it says that we are made in God's image, then that means even the gay me is in God's image.  I am not a mistake.  It would be like saying an autistic child is not in God's image when really they are more like God than maybe a lot of us are.

So with this knowledge, I can not feel guilty that I am gay.  Yet that does not say that I can not have the guilt of acting on being gay, so the question is do I?  No!  Not one bit!  Why?  You may be saying, "But Lesley, there is scripture that says it is wrong!"  Is there?  I have studied these scriptures left, right, sideways, and all around.  Read books about them, and come to the conclusion that really it was not the act of homosexuality but the acts of rape and idolatry that they are talking about in them.

Nowhere in the Bible does it actually say, "Homosexuality, the act of a loving committed relationship, is wrong!"  It does say that acts that are of cruel nature, acts that are worshipping other gods are wrong, but not where it is natural for a person to love another and committed to that person.

In 1 John 3, we read of God's love and how we are to love.  I honestly believe that where there is love, then there is God.  Where there is hate, then there is not God.  How then can you explain that a gay couple can flourish and grow who love's God and each other?  Because God is in their life!  I am single, I love God, and since I have come home to the church, pronounced my love of God, and moved forward in my walk with God, He has been evident in my life!  How you may ask?  Well, I have been flourished at work with more sales that increased my pay, got a better living arrangement, got a brand new car, this blog has flourished, and I have been blessed with a slew of new friends.

So no, I don't feel guilty being gay and Christian.  I love that I am both!  I don't have an issue with it.  And I pray for the day when one doesn't have to say "Gay Christian" and we are all just Christian.  Just like I pray for the day we are all just people not straight or gay, but just people.  Till then, I don't mind being the Church of Christ Lesbian plowing through this world one blog post at a time hoping to help others know it is okay and to form your own opinion that there are others of us out there!

God bless you and know you don't have to feel guilty!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

You are not alone!

 Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote,

God is there, ready to help;
I’m fearless no matter what.
Who or what can get to me?
Hebrews  13:5-6

In life it is easy to think that we are alone.  I fight with this a lot.  I soon will be living alone with just my dog and part of me thinks that life will be like this forever.  I forget though that I am truly not alone.  I have friends, I have family, and I have God.

It is easy though for my mind to say things like "they will leave" or "they are not here now with you" and for me to get depressed.  Yet I don't have to look far to find scripture that says God is right there with me.  I need that!

This world can get lonely, friends may leave, family dies, and at times you will reach out and no one is able to be there, but God always reaches back.  One reason I love having a dog, is no matter what, she is there.  I can snuggle up to her, and tell my day to her.  Well, no matter what, I can pray and tell my day to God.  I may not always feel God, but I can tell my day to God.

And when I really need a human touch, I have prayed for God to send someone and you know what, someone has always appeared.  Maybe not who I thought or how I thought, but someone has always appeared to be there for me.  And sometimes, it is them reaching out for help.  Which got me out of me!

We are not alone in this world, God made us to be social!  That is why He gave us a church family.  Utilize that!  Reach out to them.  Get to know them!  Make connections!  How else are you to have people who care if you don't get to know them?

And this goes to me too!  I am horrible at reaching out and getting to know mine.  I don't go eat with people and go to functions where I get to know them.  I don't participate in extra things.  I say hi to just a few.  But I am working on it.

Church is important and surrounding yourself with God's people is important.  Well, I am going to leave it with that and go join my church in playing some softball!  Taking my own words to heart!

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Christian Lesbian Dating In A Non-Christian World

Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world’s a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and modest dove— leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.
Song of Solomon 2:16-17

I have found it very different dating today then when I dated before I became a Christian.  In the past, I would not care about things like sex, drinking, and so forth.  Yet now I do.  I don't want to just jump in bed with anyone, especially on the first date.  And I don't want to be on a date where all they do is drink up the bar.

I do look for women with similar values and I ask if they are Christian or not.  I get, I believe but I don't go to church or anything.  I get it.  I mean the church has not always been there for the LGBT community.  So why go?  Yet, I want to meet someone that will go with me.  Is that too much to ask?

Today, I meet these women and they seem to be more about when can we have sex then building a relationship.  If that is all it is about, then I am not for them.  I am also not looking for a uhaul date.  I want to build a relationship.  I want a foundation.  

I keep wondering where my person is.  You know, that one that lives a Christian life, wants to build a relationship before jumping into bed, that doesn't find it necessary to get drunk every chance they get, and is stable in their life.  Some one that I can walk beside and support as they do me.

Dating in a world full of the opposite though is tough.  You have to get out there and just meet people and have the time they want to meet at some bar.  Why?  Cause the only place that is truly open to lesbians having a date is the lesbian bar cause there is not a lesbian coffee house.  Or besides online, the only place to meet others is at the bar cause they are not at the churches.

That is the sad thing, you can't meet a good Christian woman at church because even if they are there, you don't know it.  I would love to walk into my church one day and meet the lady of my dreams.  Maybe one day, but today is not the day.

For now, it is online sites with the hope that I can meet someone that is not too out there in the world.  One of the things though that does help, before I reach out to anyone, I pray about it.  I ask God to be involved in the interaction.  If it is to be a good one, then let it be.  I ask that He also let me be a testament to Him and be firm in my beliefs and not falter just cause she is cute.

That is hard.  There are times that I meet someone and they are very beautiful, there is much chemistry and we hit it off.  And oh how I would love to do more then just kiss them.  For goodness sake I am still alive!  I choose not to because I choose to wait till I am in a committed relationship contracted under God.  So I have a choice to make, follow my heart and brain or follow my glands.  That is when prayer comes in, I pray that God keeps me on track.

I have learned that it is easier to date when I bring God into the equation and let Him take the lead.  Those that are not meant to be there for me, seem to disappear.  Those that have some purpose in my life even if not to date, stay in it.  But no matter what I must have God first!

Monday, June 26, 2017

Story time - A Pride Story She couldn't walk away!

There she was, listening to him spit out his vial words.  Wondering how this was to lead people to God.  He shouted things like "God hates your sin and you won't go to heaven" and "You are evil"  He was turning red with anger and you could see his frustration that people were not listening to him, or if they were, they were not doing what he wanted.

Julie, a newly baptized Christian, feeling a little spunky, just couldn't sit there though and watch this without saying something.  Though she had just been baptized, she was raised in the church.  She knew the Bible inside out.  She studied it and read all she could about the scriptures that were against homosexuality.  She also read many more.  Here was her chance, she had blown it when her father came at her, but now, she knew she could do it!

Walking firm holding on to her cross necklace, she marched up to the guy, through the crowd, and got his attention. She then quoted scripture to him, Starting with Matthew 7:1-5 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

"You have a plank of homosexuality in your eye mam, get it out before you burn!" he spatted back.

She came at him with "Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

"I am to tell you of your sin, I am to to judge you!  You are living in sin!  You are an abomination to God, you are going to Hell"

"You can judge for God?" She comely asked.

"He has charged us to deliver each other from sin, and you are living an unatural lifestyle!" he yelled at her.

"Unnatural? Then why are there animals who are homosexual?"

"Because they live in sin!"

"Animals sin?"

"Yes because of Adam and Eve, all creatures sin!"

"Oh really, interesting"

"You are not a Christian and you must be born again and repent!"

"I am a Christian and been born again!" Julie said confidently

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Do you?"

"I asked you first" His voice still raising and yelling at her.

"John 3 tells us we are born again when we are born through the water and spirit aka baptism, full immersion, done after admission that Christ is the son of God and our Savior." Julie replies calmly.

"No, you don't know, and if that is what you believe then you are not born again!" He yells at her.

Seeing that she was not going to get any where and that the crowd was getting restless and that they were starting to want more then an argument with the guy, Julie thought quick.  She spouted out one more scripture "Romans  14:1-4 Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.  For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ’s table, wouldn’t it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn’t eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God’s welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help."

"I will never fellowship with anyone that doesn't see it my way as it is God's way!" He shouted at her!

"Then you leave me one choice!" She calmly said.

Then Julie took a deep breath, braced herself, and with the loudest voice she could muster, she let out these words: "Heavenly Father, God above all, Hear our prayer, bless us this day and bless this man and bring peace to him and help him deal with this ego that he has.  Help him find that he does not have to find the specks in others eyes when he has many in his own to deal with.  It is okay God, I know he thinks he is doing your work, but he doesn't know the damage he is doing.  Help him move on and find a better use of his energy.  God, loving father, we bow before you, We your people help us show your love to those that don't show us your love.  Help us show your mercy that won't think twice to show it to us.  Let us show that we are all your children!  God, great Father, walk with us guiding us in love!  It is in your son's name we come, amen!"

When Julie opened her eyes, he was silent, he picked up his speaker and walked away.  The crowed cheered. And Julie started one last thing she got them to chant, God is love!

Proud of herself, she whispered, "Thank you God, you did that!"

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Accepting the gay you from others!

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ’s table, wouldn’t it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn’t eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God’s welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.
Romans 14:1-4

What a powerful scripture!  Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do!  Not force your belief or only accept those that see things exactly as you do!  But welcome fellow believers.  Accept people as they are.  

For those that don't know, I have been struggling with my own family accepting the fact that I am a lesbian.  They think that I can't be a lesbian and a Christian.  They use the scripture to say this, though I have studied the same ones and see it different.  They refuse to agree to disagree on this. 

This is a hard pill to swallow.  I mean I accept them. I accept all of them.  I see them accept all of my brother.  He is no saint and I see them accept him.  He drinks, sleeps around, brings over women that he lives with and not married to, and they accept it.  But because it is a straight relationship, it is okay and they accept it.  But me, no, I will never feel this kind of acceptance.

I will never be able to bring home my girlfriend.  I will never be able to have family at my wedding when that happens.  I can't talk about who I am seeing.  I can't talk about what I dream about.  I am expected to live a life alone.  And it hurts.

This is not acceptance.  This is rejection.  This is putting me in a cell.  This is forcing a life on me that is not what I feel God would want for me.  I know that I am not alone in this.  I know that there are others out there that have it even worse.  Who may say, at least your family is talking to you and not disowning you.

At one time they did, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I don't know what happened that changed their mind, but something did.  I guess God.  I know I am blessed that they are talking to me and love me and not turning their back away, but still the fact that they won't accept all of me and that there is a part of my life that they will never be a part of, hurts.

I know walking this life, there are going to be people in this world that don't accept the fact that I am a lesbian.  There are going to be those in the church that won't accept that.  Yet God teaches us to accept fellow believers even when we don't see eye to eye.   And you know what, a friend of mine said it best, "Let's say there is a billion people on this earth and two don't accept you and refuse to.  Well there are 999,999,998 who accept you as you are!"

Monday, June 19, 2017

Can a lesbian be baptized?

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
Romans 6:4

The simple answer to the question is yes, a lesbian can be baptized!  How do I know? Cause I was just baptized!  I know what you are thinking, you have been writing this blog for awhile and you are saying you just now got baptized?  Well, I was baptized as a kid, say about 12.  I did it then cause my folks wanted, the rest of the kids were doing it, but I didn't believe then.  I believed that others believed, but I didn't.  I wanted to make others happy.

So, now as an adult, I started questioning that baptism.  Was it for real?  I never questioned it before and always called myself a Christian, but now that I was taking God serious and really believing, I wanted things to be right.

So after much meditation, talking with the preacher, and prayer, I did it.  I took the plunge.  And you know what, I understand the freedom and high that others talk about now.  I understand feeling clean from it now.  I didn't come out of saying I am straight, no I am still gay.  I didn't come out perfect, I will still have faults, I am human after all.  Yet, I came out feeling like I have a clean slate, like a new person who now has a fresh start in life.

I came out not feeling guilty for the first time in years.  I imagine I was and am the first lesbian that my church has ever baptized.  Yet I know I won't be the last.  I know, now, that I can be used by God to the full extent He has planned as truly one of His children.

I am found now, no longer lost.  I died to self and raised in Him.  So yes, if you are gay, you can be baptized and that part of you, will still be there!  It is part of you!  God just takes away that which is sinful and the past that made you unacceptable in His eyes.

So, now, what will this mean for me?  Who knows?  All I know, is now that I am God's child through baptism, I will serve Him how He has me.  It is no longer me driving!

Below is my own baptism!


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Christ accepts Gays, Why can't others?

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”

Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”

The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment.
Matthew 8:5-13

The words for this slave in Greek used for slave in this passage were pias (Matthew) and entimos doulos (Luke). Pias meant a male sex slave where entimos doulos meant honored slave. I have been studying this scripture left and right. I just keep trying to make sure that I am right in this. I mean it is a big deal, Christ healing a person no matter what is a big deal but to even hint that he healed a male sex slave that was used in a homosexual relationship that involved a loving relationship? Wow! Mind blown! This just shows that we have such a limited mind that we can't believe that God would have anything to do with homosexuality when in fact He does.

I can just imagine this scripture today. Here is a man going to the great healer. Scared for his lover that he might die, but knowing this man he hears about can heal him. Yet he is a Roman and the other a Jew. And it is not just any one that he wants healed, it is his beloved male lover. True a slave, but someone he loves and someone that he can't imagine his life without.

He approaches Christ, probably timidly at first. He does not even say come heal him, he says what is wrong with him. Christ has to ask if he wants Him to heal him. The Roman then says all you have to do is say the word and he is healed. Christ then praises him for his belief and faith. He does not mock him for his homosexual relationship. He doesn't tell him to stop it. He simply says, "Hey yall, see this, this is the kind of faith you should have!"

Christ was an amazing man, not just because He was and is God's son, but because of how He accepted people. Here He could have said, "You are living in sin, I am not going to heal your slave!" Yet He didn't! He didn't even tell him to stop living like this. Usually Christ would say to someone that He healed and was doing something wrong in His eyes, go and sin no more, but He didn't say that to this man.

So if Christ, our example of God's love in action on Earth, accepted and showed love and healing to a gay man, why can't we? Okay I do, but I am gay. It just saddens me that others don't. God is a loving God, not one of hate. And where there is hate,there is not God!

God showed love to this Roman Centurion and his male lover who happened to be a slave. God shows love to the gays now and blesses us! How else do you think we are prosperous in our lives? God shows love to us, so why can't those who proclaim Him not do the same?

Oh I know, because they don't know God, they don't know what it means to be Christ like! If they did then they would act different. To know God means to know that we do not speak for Him. To know God means to know He is the God of acceptance. To know God means to know He is a God of love. To know God means to know that we have no place standing in judgment of another.

I know that I am preaching to the choir, I know that most who read this are already accepting to gays or are gay themselves. Why else would you be reading? I wrote this though for hope that maybe, just maybe someone who isn't stumbles across this blog and gets another view and opens their ears and eyes to acceptance!

I truly believe God is sitting up there saying, "Come on yall, you are better then this! I taught love and acceptance, not hate! I never once said I hate you to one person!" Yes you just read that right, God never once said "I hate you!" He did say He hates sin, but sin is not the person! I think this is where we get off track. And homosexuality, well, it is one of those things that we are going to have to agree to disagree on.

To some, like me, it is not a sin. To others, like my parents, it is a sin. Yet it don't matter, cause in the end, it will be God who we answer to! And I look at it this way, if I live a Christ like life, I don't feel He is going to say "Lesley, you led people to me, you did right on so many levels, I forgave you of your sins, but this one thing, you being gay, it is stopping you from getting in." That would be like saying a person who is divorced and remarried is not going to Heaven.

No Christ healed a gay man, He showed love and acceptance. He praised his faith. You know what I take from that, God puts our faith in Him, our love, as more important then anything. So before you hate on a person because they are different, think would Christ? NO! He would accept them, heal them, and love on them! He was the great acceptor!

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Agree to disagree ~ fighting against the Gays

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Matthew 5:9

You know most times the whole arguing about being gay and the Bible saying it is wrong does not get to me, but at times it does.  I wish at times I was better prepared or quicker to respond to it than I am when it comes up.  Yet I am not.

The Bible says to be a peacemaker though.  I am not to argue, but yet it is hard to not argue and fight for my rights.  I want to be heard and my side be known.  I want to be right.  Yet what is more important, to be right or have peace of mind and know that I am right in God's eyes?

It is easy to get caught up in the battle and loose focus on the war.  It is easy to get caught up on a hurdle and loose focus on the destination.  This fight is not about changing one or two people, but a movement of hundreds.  This is not even a war, and when we stop looking at it as that, when we address it from a peaceful movement, we can do much more.

You may be saying, but Lesley it is a war, we are being attacked daily.  Yes we are, but should we attack back or should we take the high road?  What would be more Christ like?  When He was attacked did He attack back?  No, he gave love back.  And so should we. 

And man is that hard.  Last night I was double teamed by my parents.  Told I was not really a Christian cause I am gay.  Preached to about how it is wrong to be gay.  And all I could do is sit there.  I cried inside cause here the two people I love, attacked me.  Yet, I am to honor them, not attack back.  So what can I do?  Pray for them!  Pray that we can agree to disagree, that we can have harmony, that we can have peace.

This is a time when we have had great strides to be far from where we were, but we have a long way to go!  And approaching it out of love and through prayer is not giving up, it is just taking it to God and letting Him approach it in a better way then we can.  And trust me, He can do miracles to open doors that we can't do!  He can bring it much easier and with less heartache!  And best part, when we do it God's way, we are following His word and not pushing our own agenda.

So fighting, well it can be done in love and peacefully.  It can be done by taking it to God.  It can be done without looking at it as a war, but a movement.  And in time things will change!  In the mean time, we can educate ourselves, we can educate others, we can pray, we can support each other, and we can build a network of others that support us too!  We are not alone and we have a God that will bless us if we only allow Him to do it His way!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Your not God's pet!

He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.
John 1:11-13

Last night I was scared.  I thought I had lost my dog.  I looked all over the back yard and she was no where to be found.  I got in my car and started searching the neighborhood, still no luck.  Then I expanded my search, and looked through the attaching neighborhoods.  I drove around for over an hour, praying and searching for my dog.  I was at a loss.  Stopping and asking everyone I saw, have you seen a little black dog.  Of course, no one saw her.

Finally I gave up, I went home and sat in the back yard and just cried my eyes out.  I prayed a prayer and cried.  Here I thought I lost her forever.  Next thing I knew, she came running back through the fence to me!  I jumped up in joy, my tears turned from pain to happy tears! I hugged her and wanted to throw a party!  My dog, my baby, my companion was home!  I told her "Don't ever do that again, you scared me!"  and "I love you!" like she could understand me, but she stood there and smiled and wagged her tail like she knew I loved her and understood!  And today, I am still shook up from it all and when I get home the first thing I will do is make sure the patch job I did on the hole she got out with held up.

It makes me think though, about God, how he values us more so then we value our pets.  I mean he talks about how precious we are to him and how valued the lost is and how important it is to find them.  There is three stories found about that in Luke 15.  First the lost sheep, then the lost coin, and finally the lost son.

I wonder, was God like me when I was lost in the world?  Did He look for me?  Did He give up and just cry?  Did He ask if I had been seen? And did God jump up and down when I came back to the church?  Did He say to the angels she is back!  And did he say to me, "Don't ever do that again, you scared me!"  and "I love you" and I not understand?  But I smiled and felt His love that day?  Does He still look to make sure I don't wonder too far?

I like to think that God does look for us when we are lost, He just uses people to do that.  He doesn't give up on us, but does cry for us.  And of course He jumps up and down when we come back to Him!  He rejoices when we return to His love!  

To God, we mean everything.  We are not pets.  We are children whom He loves.  When we are lost, He hurts, when we are found, He rejoices.  We are valuable no matter which way we are, but I tell you what, I would rather be found then lost!

Why?  Cause when found, I have shelter from the storm, warm place to sleep, food on the table, comfort, and a home!  Lost, I am alone and scared! But that is for another blog, right now, I just know as much as I love my dog, it is nothing compared to the love God has for me!

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Reasons your not gay

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
Matthew 7:1

If there is one thing that I get tired of hearing is that you are not really gay!  Really, really!  You know this?  You know what goes on inside me?  You know if I am gay or straight?  Here is just some of the things I have heard over the years.

"You are not gay cause at one time you married a guy"

"You are not gay because you had a son"

"You are not gay because you dated men at one time"

"You are not gay, you will go back to being straight once you accept that."

"You will be straight once you accept Jesus Christ"

"You will be straight once you find the right man"

"You just haven't accept all of God's scripture, when you do you will be straight."

"You just need to be cured, you really are straight, this is just an illness."

"You will grow out of this phase"

"You will change your mind once you have been hurt enough"

"No guy did anything for you because they weren't Godly relationships, when you do get one that is, you will be straight"

And the list can go on.  It is tiresome and the sad part is, this is just from my family, not outsiders.  People outside my family are more receptive to me being gay and don't try to change me.

They may say, "I don't approve of it, but I accept you."  I know that these people would even be there for me if I were to be in a relationship.

It breaks my heart that one day, when I am in said relationship, that I will not have family there for the wedding, that I won't bring my significant other to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and to other family gatherings.  That to my family, fine, be gay, just be single and alone cause it is wrong to act on it.  It hurts to know that I am not going to have their blessing to be fully me.

My comfort though, I know that I can go before God as full me and know that I am accepted.  He says I am His child.  Made by Him.  I know when I stand in His presence He don't see my sins or that I am bipolar or that I am an alcoholic or that I am gay, He sees that I am covered by Christ's blood and I am His child.

I truly believe if Christ walked the Earth today, He would say "Come on yall, accept Homosexuality and get past it.  There is more important things.  I was saying no to things that caused harm not the loving committed monogamous relationships that is of today."

I have on my desk a sticky note that reads "If God likes me, I like me, and you don't like me, the problem is with you!"  I know I have to remember this.  I am not the problem if you don't accept.  My only concern is that relationship between God and myself.

So if you are like me, heard all the "You are not gay" crap, have people that don't accept all of you, hang in there.  The issue is with them, not you.  Love them and pray for them.  Accept them where they are and know that you are not alone!

Friday, May 26, 2017

Book Review - Quench! refreshing devotionals by gay, trans, and affirming Christians – December 1, 2009 by Rev. Jeff Miner (Author), John Tyler Connoley (Author), Keith J. Phillips (Author), Steve Adams (Author), & 12 more

This is not your typical book of daily devotions!
Join this unique group of writers in daily meditation, and quench your spiritual thirst with heart-felt, real-world reflections by fellow Christians who are lesbian, gay, transgender, straight and affirming, lay and clergy. You will find yourself never thirsty with the living water poured out in Quench!
Each of the 100 entries in this book has three parts:
Today's Scripture. After you read the day's passage, we recommend you take some time to meditate on it and ask yourself, What might God be saying to me from this? Does any word, phrase, or idea stand out? It may help to summarize your thoughts in a sentence or two before reading on.
Our Thoughts. The authors will share what they have taken from the scripture.
Thought for the Day. This is something you can take with you, to remember and ponder throughout the day.

This is really a unique book!  I have enjoyed the entries I have read so far.  It does not have daily entries like a normal daily devotional, but you can treat each one daily.  Now you do have to have your Bible with you as the scriptures are not printed in it.  One thing I found as a down fall as I wanted to keep it at the office, but that is okay.  It allows me to get better acquainted with my Bible again.

I really love how each passage makes you think.  It is thought provoking and brings you to question things you may have not thought of before.  If you are looking for something that brings you closer to God and makes you really think about things, this is the book for you!

Book Review The Word Is Out: Daily Reflections on the Bible for Lesbians and Gay Men January, 1999 by Chris Glaser (Author)

Glaser defines The Word as an intimate, loving encounter with God. Through reflection on the Bible in the light of the particular experience of lesbians and gay men, that Word may emerge and embrace a community that the church has often rejected. Each entry of this year-long daily devotional begins with a scripture verse and concludes with a prayer or affirmation.

Okay, I normally don't review a book till I have read a book all the way through, but this book is not a normal book.  It truly is a daily devotional book and so far, I am enjoying it.  I am a few days into it and it is very good.  It may have been written in 1999, but it stands true with today's time.

I had been looking for one and this book is just one of my daily devotional books.  I highly recommend it!

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Don't Rush God's Timing!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9

I don't know about you but I forget that God has this and I try to rush Him.  I want things and I want it now!  And oh how I get myself into trouble!  I push for things and find myself in a heap trying to get out of it and having to beg God to help me once more fix things, but if I had just let Him do things in His time, it would have been much easier.

For instance, I really wanted to get a laptop.  I justified getting it because then I could post here more easily at home and work on my book.  I could have waited, shopped around, price checked, and made sure I had the funds.  Yet I wanted it now.  So I went off to Walmart and bought one.  Oh how nice it was, till I realized it didn't hold a charge.  Also, found online it cheaper.  And that money I used, well I should have saved because the car broke down and I needed to repair it and that meant I was short on funds for a week till pay day.  I should have waited.

Another example, I tried to rush God's timing in dating.  I wanted someone and was tired of being alone.  So, I started looking online.  I met a few people but every time I tried to go on a date, they would cancel.  I started to get depressed and think no one wanted me.  Then it dawned on me, I was still working on cleaning up my past, I was not ready for a relationship.  Friends yes, girlfriend no.  When I realized this, I was able to be content in the matter and not be down about it.  God knew I could not be there for the other fully yet.  I still had healing to do.

And lastly, I wanted to rush and get my book out.  I wrote three days straight.  I thought I had done good.  I was proud of it.  I shared it though with three people and what I thought was a book turned out to be a good summary and not a story.  It was not ready to do the good that God has planned for it.  So now I am taking my time with it and writing the story out like I am supposed to.

God knows how things are to be, if we just get out of the way and follow His lead, then things go a lot easier.  I know for me I will meet the gal that will walk with me when we are both ready, I will finish the book when it is truly a story ready to help others, and all things done with His timing in mind are blessed.  So what are you forcing to be in your timing and what are you allowing to be in His timing? 

Monday, May 8, 2017

There Are Worst Things

There Are Worst Things

There are worst things in life that I could be.
I could name them all, but what good would that be?
You would just shrug that all off.
You would lump me in that category cause you say this is a choice.
Did you choose to be ignorant?

There are worst things in life I could be.
You don't want to hear that though.
You think that I am sick and need to be cured.
You think this is something that I can over come.
Did you overcome ignorance?

There are worst things in life that I could be.
Yet, you don't see that.
You want me to be just as you see me.
You think I should fit in your box of normal.
Do you fit ignorance in there?

There are worst things in life that I could be.
I have love and give love.
I am a person worthy of life.
I can have a great life with people in it.
And your ignorance has no place in it.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

My story of coming out!

Coming out to others that you are gay is a hard thing to do.  I know.  I was at one time not as open as I am now and even now when I tell someone new, I get scared of how they will react.  Let me tell you about my story and how I came out or how I have been outed at times.

I always knew that I was different.  I never really fit in.  I thought it was because of several different reasons and over time I learned that to be true, but this is about me being gay.  To talk about me coming out though, I have to tell my whole story.  It is a colorful story.  It talks about leaving the church, looking at different religions, birth of a son, making mistakes, staying in my car, alcoholism, drug use, and so forth.  So don't expect this story to be an easy one.  I know just telling it is not that easy, so I imagine reading it is the same.

I was born in 1977 to a woman that was just 19 and she did the best thing she could do for me, she placed me for adoption.  I was adopted by my folks from birth and instantly had two older brothers.  My family raised me in the Church of Christ and that is very important to my story.  Back then, being gay was against the church and in some churches it still is.  I remember though we went Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.  I was part of the youth group and active in many areas of the church.  Yet I did not fit in as far as I felt.

When I was in junior high, I dated guys, but I was already looking at girls and wondering what it would be like to kiss them.  My first crush, was not a guy but actually on my PE coach.  She was amazing even to this day I look back fondly on her.  I never told anyone that I liked her.  Girls didn't like girls like I liked her.  It was wrong, so I didn't say a word to anyone.

High school came and I still dated guys but found myself dreaming of girls. I remember being jealous of one of the guys in the youth group because he dated one of my best friends and I secretly liked her more then a friend but I could never tell her that.  I was alone in this.  I had no one to tell and even if I did, how were they going to react?  I was in a conservative town, conservative church, and it was wrong from what I was taught.

I began drinking some in high school and at the same time, started meeting with the preacher as my mom wanted me to get help cause I was always depressed.  I was very unstable.  I hung out with the wrong crowd and usually was picked on.  Being picked on was nothing new cause that had been happening since I was in elementary.  Mom thought it was best my junior year to move me to private school.  I learned there that nothing changes.  You just stick out worse for being different.

I also found myself with new crushes.  I still dated guys, but my eyes followed the ladies.  In this time I came to trust the preacher, but I did not dare say, "Hey, I think I am gay" besides, though I had heard the term, I still did not know I was.  Not only was I just dating guys, but I was sleeping with guys from all different age ranges.  I was sexually active since I was about fifteen and though I didn't enjoy it, I didn't hate it either.

In my teens, somewhere around eighteen I think, I started experimenting with women.  I was already hanging out with ungodly crowds and partying any chance I could.  Getting drunk and high was nothing new to me.  I learned sex with a woman was much more enjoyable then with a man but at that time, the only time I had it was in threesomes.

When I graduated from high school, I chose a college up in Michigan to go to school at.  It was a Church of Christ school.  I got up there and boy did things go down hill.  I fell for a gal who yet again I could not say anything to, I got drunk more often then not, and I missed tons of classes.  Soon the dean had me in her office and asked me to go home.  My mom came and got me.

When I got home, the preacher said maybe the Church of Christ was not for me, to go out and find me.  I took that to heart and ran.  Boy did I run.  Yet at the same time, I felt like no one wanted me.  I lost my college, let down my family, and now my church did not want me.  Did they know I was gay?  Or was I just too lost to be saved cause of everything else?

When I was twenty, I had a one night stand and ended up pregnant.  I went to the preacher and he helped me go tell my parents.  I remember that being the worse day of my life.  The rage and anger that was shown.  I already knew that adoption was the choice for me.  So, I went off to Lubbock.  During my time there, I gave the Church of Christ a chance again.  I would go to church with the home that I was staying at, go out and talk to others about adoption, and was trying to atone for my behavior.  Then I met this woman there that I had a crush on, she was married, but I still had a crush on her.  And yet again I could not tell anyone, not even the psychiatrist I was seeing as it was his wife. I soon had my son.  And after three days with him, I came home.

This threw me into a real low.  I began to go out and get drunk or high any chance I could.  I would go to the church occasionally but I just knew everyone was looking down on me, so soon I ran again.

This time I met a woman and we decided to date.  My first girlfriend.  She was ten years older then me, but I didn't care.  I soon moved in with her, not telling anyone that we were dating.  I still was not ready to come out.  Not to family any ways.  Our drinking friends knew, but that was it.  About a month after living with her, I fell for her roommate's daughter who was my age.  That was not the smartest thing ever to do.  I then found myself with out a home and pride kept me from going home.

Instead of going home, I stayed in my car.  I had a job, but no money to get my own place.  So I would go to different friend's houses to shower, eat fast food, and pretend like everything was alright.  I was also studying different religions and was looking at paganism.  After a few months of doing this, the girl I fell for, she got her own place and asked me to join her there.  She was pagan and started teaching me about it.  I was on cloud nine, here was someone who wanted me and a new religion that felt like it would not fail me.  We had it all, we never ran out of money because of some reasons I will get to in a minute, her father was a pot dealer so we always had weed, and I always made sure we had alcohol.

During the stay with that ex, a person that I called friend and myself ran a scam.  It was how I had money in between checks.  And this is the first time I am going to be honest about it.  That person would get checks from "boyfriends" and make them out to me and I would sign them and cash them at my bank.  He then would make sure they would clear some how.  Each check for about $2,500 and we would split the money up.  I tell you this because it will play a part soon in this story.

After some time though, paradise fell apart.  She decided I was not enough and moved a guy in and soon my spot in bed moved to the living room.  Then the next thing I knew, I was with out a place to live.  This time though, I moved to my folks.  This was to be a short stay though.  Because of the check cash thing, I was caught and put on probation for one of the checks.  The other person had nothing happen to him.

I found myself falling for a gal this time that was ten years younger then me and we moved in together.  Well, kinda, we moved in with others.  During which time, I decided I was going to tell my brother that I was gay.  He took it well, and honestly didn't care and said he loved me.  Yet the first minute I made him mad, he told my folks so I never got a chance to tell them in my own time.  I am sure they knew though.  How could they not?

This girlfriend and I stayed together for some time, then one day we moved from one part of Houston to another and they revoked my probation and I went to jail.  I was not given a second chance.  I had to serve six months.  I remember during that time writing preacher and he wrote back.  Said he would pray for me, but he knew one day I would end up there.  I was so mad at him for that line.  I didn't want to think that I had lived a life that someone expected me to end up in jail, but yet I had.  So really I was mad at myself.

I served six long months.  I had my girlfriend on the outside and she didn't know but I had a girlfriend on the inside too.  Some player I was.  I hated to be alone so I made sure I wasn't.  Sunshine made my time bearable.  Before I knew it, I was out.  My outside girlfriend and I moved down to Winnie and I thought that we were going to have a good life.  Soon though that ended.

We split up cause while I was working 60 hour weeks at Subway, she was busy knocking boots with a couple.  If there is one thing that I can't stand, it is not being loyal.  We broke up and I moved back to my folks.

I stayed pagan during all this.  I had found that the religion and people in it didn't care about my jail time or being gay.  They just accepted me.  In fact, they were always glad to see me!  I grew to love many of them and still call them friends today.

Soon after I moved home, I went to one of the pagan events and got an offer to move to Beaumont.  I decided to go ahead.  I became the thing in the attic!  I loved it!  At that event, one of the guys introduced me to the new girlfriend and we hit it off.  Okay, I was taken back by her!  She was something else.  Beautiful, spunky, and intelligent!

Soon, she came to me and said she never been with a woman and wanted to.  I could not pass that up.  So, I slept with her, even though she was with my friend.  I thought they had an open relationship because he was sleeping with other women, but come to find out, he expected the women to be just with him and he could be with who ever he wanted.  First time I went toe to toe about a woman with a man and that day, I walked away with the woman on my arm.

She and I dated for awhile.  It was more of partying, drinking, and drugging then anything with an occasional date out.  Yet it was fun.  She knew how to play me and get me to do anything.  I was a fool and she knew I would do anything.  Soon though, I grew tired of it, and we went our separate ways staying friends.

In the pagan group, there was this guy, he and I had gotten to know each other and grown close.  He was very feminine and different.  He and I got to talking and I got to questioning my sexuality again.  I decided to give him a chance and decided that he was feminine enough for me to balance what I needed.  We moved in right away with each other.  After six months, got engaged.  After a year, got married.

I agreed to this because I started noticing that the world, especially my immediate family treated me different and I got a relationship back with them.  They were happy.  I was actually doing something for a change that they were proud of.  I was no longer an outcast.

Over the next seven years though, the marriage changed.  He became controlling.  He would sit outside my job and watch me work for hours.  He had me sale my car and then not allow me to get another one.  He would not let me go any where, not even to my parents alone.  And I became secluded from the world.  I turned inward.

I told him one day that I missed the touch of a woman, so he said let's find you a "girlfriend".  I began looking online and started talking to a few people.  I then went on a date with this amazing woman who just blew me away.  My husband became jealous and said I was not allowed to see her again and that instead I just needed to have sex with a woman at campouts and where he could watch.

I for some reason fought him on this.  I went back to see the woman that I had met and the two of us went out a few more times.  We talked daily on the phone and emailed all the time.  The more I talked to her, the more I became confident in myself again.  The more I stood up for myself, the more verbally abusive he got.

One of the times I went to see her, he showed up at her house.  I had not told him where she lived but he showed up.  He started yelling see, I know where she lives, I know where she works, I can get you anywhere.  Now come back to the house where you belong.  I remember never feeling more scared in my life.  I didn't leave.

It was supposed to be a poly relationship, she was married too so she and I would date and nothing more.  He some how wanted it just to be sex and him involved in it some how though.  Something I was not for.

It was a crazy time period and some how we agreed to try counseling, so we went to see can you guess who?  You guessed it, my preacher from the past.  I remember sitting there in his office and deciding that the marriage was over and I could not keep living a lie.  I took off my wedding ring and for the first time felt free.

I moved down to be with her.  What an amazing three years I would then have.  Not perfect in any means, but amazing.  She walked with me through cancer and held my hand as I had surgery to fix it.  I fell in love for the first time.  I mean real love.  I would have laid down my life for her.  But like most good things in my life, I messed it up.  I broke her trust in me.

I worked for a clinic and messed up the book keeping.  Money came up missing and though I couldn't prove I didn't take it, I couldn't keep her trust.  See at one time I had over spent money and so she knew I had a spending problem.  She also knew of my past.  She also knew I was bipolar, alcoholic, and recovering addict.  I had everything going wrong for me.  I had the target on me and nothing saying that I didn't do it.  So the love of my life, she left and move to Tennessee.  Leaving me behind.

The clinic pressed charges and I found myself in front of a judge again.  This time I had good representation.  I would have done anything for that clinic and still would.  So I agreed to pay and went on probation.

I moved in with my folks after a few months of trying to live on my own.  I couldn't cut it.  I had gone into a depression and also could not make ends meet.  I was lucky that the folks let me move in with them.

After a few months, the girl I used to date that I fought for with that guy a few paragraphs back before my exhusband, well she came back into my life.  She now lived in Colorado.  So for awhile, we talked long distance and I would take time and go see her when I could.

Soon I moved her and her daughter down to live with me and we got a place.  Didn't take long though for her to start using drugs and drink all the time.  She became a different person.  I soon picked up and used too.  How else was I to deal with it?  She became verbally, mentally, and sexually abusive.  She would hit walls, throw things around and I feared that one day I would be the object of her fists.

I was the blame of pain, anger, and everything that went wrong.  I was why she used and drank.  I was what was wrong.  And I began to believe I was no good and didn't need to be there any more.  I started to believe I was no good to anyone.  Everyone left or asked me to leave anyways.  And I didn't want my son to find me like this.  So I did something that I had done a hundred times before, I tried to commit suicide.  This time though, I got closer then ever.

After three days of sedation, I woke up in the hospital.  My mom was there, asked if I was ok and that was it.  The second day I was awake, the girlfriend came and broke up with me saying she couldn't be with someone as crazy as me.  I stayed in the hospital for another two weeks.  While I was in, my folks got my stuff and my dog.  They put it all in storage and held on to my dog for me.

I stayed in a hotel for a couple weeks when I first got out and then moved into a friends condo.  I really didn't like that and soon my folks asked if I wanted to come home.  That is where I am now.

Ever since the one I was with after my exhusband left, I started questioning my religion.  I started feeling not heard.  I really felt that way when this last one did her number on me.  So, I did what I always do, I reached out to my preacher friend.  I started meeting with him.

I began going to his church.  Started meeting some people and started listening.  I didn't know but change was coming.  I just knew something was missing, paganism didn't work anymore, and I needed spiritual help.

On my way to church one Sunday, I prayed "God, Christian God, if this is where I am to be, give me a sign!"  And in the sermon that day I heard, "pagans run" "come home" and "I accept you"  That service I went up front and placed membership.

I know just a few things!  I am gay and I don't care who knows now!  I know God loves me and has a plan!  And I know that my story is not over yet!

Now I am helping my church learn how to be more accepting to the LGBT community.  I write this blog.  I have friends all over from all walks of religions and life.  And I would not change one thing!  I am blessed.  So will you walk with me on the rest of this path?

Monday, May 1, 2017

My God, You Are My God!

My God, You Are My God!

You were there from the begining.
You were there for each step.
You were there for each success.
You were there for each fall.
You were there.

You never stopped caring, though I turned away.
You never stopped hoping, though I pushed away.
You never stopped blessing, though I sent away.
You never stopped loving, though I blocked away.
You never stopped.

You are true to Your word.
You are true to Your people.
You are true to Your creation.
You are true to Your passion.
You are true.

So my God, You are forgiving.
So my God, You are accepting.
So my God, You are caring.
So my God, You are loving.
So my God, You are my God!

Tapestry Retreat Recap

I could start this out by saying "What happens at Tapestry, stays at Tapestry!" But then how would you my reader know how great it was?  The little line on it where it says a spiritual journey is something that should not be taken lightly!  It is just that!

Before I begin to tell my experience I would like to say that no names will be used.  Tapestry is a safe place and confidentiality is a big thing to provide that safety.  So no names, no pictures of others, just my experience.

I hopped in my car at the crack of dawn Thursday morning and began my trek from Houston, TX to Memphis, TN.  With each mile I drove, my anxiety rose.  I tried to calm it by doing some touristy things like stopping at the state tourist information places.  

I had hoped on the drive to listen to a book called "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines yet I found myself not able to concentrate on the book and drive at the same time.  So that book review will come at a later time.  I instead listened to music and thought about what to expect from the retreat.  My anxiety grew as I mentioned.  I was going to something new where I didn't know any one except for an email to one lady and one phone call.

This was so out of my comfort zone!  I kept thinking what am I doing!  It is not too late to turn around!  Yet, I was on a mission.  I had talked to my preacher about going on this trip and he had asked me to get some nuggets to help the church be accepting of the LGBT community into the church.  This no longer was a trip for me, but a trip to help the church.  How could I let them down?  And besides, I could not let you the reader down and not come back and tell you about it.

So after ten hours I arrived to the most beautiful campground I have ever seen.  Relieved to not be driving any more I turned off the car for the last time and got out.  As I was getting my things, a lady I am glad to call my friend came out and asked if she could help me carry in.  And right away I felt not only accepted but wanted at this event.  That feeling didn't stop either through out the weekend.

I am not going to get into the details of everything that we did through the weekend, that would spoil it for you if you ever decide to go.  I will say this, it gave a space that I could and others could have open conversations about any thing.

We talked about how such things like community, labels that people put on us and how we can combat them, what it means to be a Gay Christian, and so much more.  We played games together.  We grew bonds that I know will be long lasting.

Tapestry is about so much.  It is a God send!  God inspired!  God driven! It is an event for the people that allows the people to freely be themselves and not worry about judgment.  Will I go back?  Every time Tapestry happens, I will make a way to be there!  My world is improved because of it!

I left Sunday to make the drive back with not just tools to give the church, tools to use in my life, answers to some questions, questions I did not know I had, challenges to work through, challenges to make some things happen, ideas for this blog, which right there that list is already a lot, but also a deeper connection to God.

So I recommend to anyone Tapestry.  I recommend Centerpeace.  The people who run it are amazing and one day I hope to volunteer my services to help grow their mission!  

To learn more go to

Monday, April 24, 2017

Going away to a retreat...

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.

Matthew 18:20

Well, I am excited to say that I am running away this Thursday to a retreat put on by CenterPeace. I will be meeting others who are in the Church of Christ and who are part of the LGBT community. I look forward to this. I will be driving 9 1/2 hours from my home in Texas to Tennessee. I have plenty of listening things to keep me going. But this blog will be getting many things when I get back.

One of the things will be of course a recap of the retreat. Then there will be more about CenterPeace. Maybe something about what churches can do to help LGBT members in their own congregations. And also a book review as I will be listening to God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vine on the way up and back.

So till I get back.....hope yall have a good weekend!

To learn more about CenterPeace go to

Monday, March 13, 2017

Dating in your 40s

Okay, I don't talk about my dating life much on here, but thought that I would today.  Dating is so different now that I am 40 and living a Christian life.  In the past, I would date around.  I was looking for fun and now.  I wanted someone that was out for a good time like I was.

Now that I am older, I am looking to settle down.  I want to meet that person that will be there till the end of times with me.  My person that gets me in the good times and bad times.  I want a friend first, then my lover.  It is harder though to meet people when you are 40.

Most are married, in committed relationships, or there is a reason they are not.  For instance one person I went out with was still growing up and coming to terms with being gay.  One gal, went great with, but she moved to another state and we are still good friends.  Another I went out with turned out to just be getting out of a relationship and not over it yet.  And another person I went out with, well it was like dating her whole family right away.  And finally another only wanted to have sex and was not happy when I let it be known that I will not be having sex till I say "I do" again.

So, this makes me think what are my flaws that push people away?  Do I talk about ex's too much?  No, not any more, I worked through that now.  Is it cause I live at home with my folks? If so, that is lame excuse.  Is it I am too out going? I think not as these days I am more shy then outgoing.  Am I too big?  Well maybe, but working on that.  Do I work too much?  Well of course, how else am I to pay the bills?  Am I too butch?  I think at times yes and others no.

Yet, I can't pick myself apart!  And the person for me won't either.  They will help me build to a better future.  One with God in it!  In fact where He is first in our lives.  They are my equal and walking at times in front to lead when I can't, at times behind to give me a push when it calls for it, and others beside me when it calls for that.  They listen to me even when I can't say anything.  And finally they love unconditionally as I will give it to them.

So as I date in my 40s, I look for my forever person and keep in mind that she is out there getting ready for me as I have also been getting ready for her.  May God send us in each other's path soon and let us start to build our friendship!  It is in God's hands, all I can do is put myself out there to meet them!

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Story Time: It was her smile

Laura leaned up against the corner of the old brick building.  Looking across the parking lot, she didn't know who to be looking for.  She just knew her name was Jeannette and that she had curly black hair.  Sure she had seen a picture of her, but that didn't mean she knew for sure what she looked like.  Laura sucked down one last smoke and nervously looked around.

This was a date set up by Laura's best friend Tish and Laura was not told much, just that Tish said Jeannette was really nice and will meet her at 5 pm at the Olympian Grill on the Harbor side of the island.  Laura had not been on a date in some time and was not sure what to do.  She just knew though that Tish would never let her hear the end of it if she did not at least make an attempt to meet Jeannette.

Finally, a woman that matched the description and picture started walking up towards Laura.  Laura snuffed out the smoke, nervously fixed her hair, and yet could not get her eyes off this goddess that walked her way.  Laura scoped her out from head to toes.  Jeannette's hair was wild in the wind, her eyes inviting, her smile enticing.  She wore a stripped scarf, deep red sweater, jeans that showed off her curves, rainbow socks, and brown loafers.  Laura knew at that moment, there was going to be more to this date then she had expected.  For it was Jeannette's smile that drew her in and held her wanting more.

"You must be Laura?"

"And you must be Jeannette!"

"Waiting long?"

"Nah, I only been here a few minutes."

"Well shall we go in?"

From there the two of them went into the restaurant.  They ordered a tilapia dish to share.  As they waited on the meal, they talked about how they each knew Tish, about looking for a relationship and difficulties in it, and so much more.  Laura felt her defenses go down as she interacted with Jeannette.  It was still that smile that drew her in, made her feel at ease, and make her want more.

"Shall we continue this at the beach?" Jeannette asked Laura.

"Sure, but I must warn you, I may try to kiss you."

"And I may let you."

With that Laura leaned in and kissed the soft tender lips of Jeannette.  Then she learned it was not just her smile but her kiss as well.