Friday, September 22, 2017

One year blog anniversary! The lesbian did it!

They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
Psalm 145:7

It is hard to believe a whole year has gone by!  And how blessed it has been.  This blog has grown and now has had over 1,000 readers, each post being read at least 250 times, and several followers.  I am humbled by the acceptance of it and growth of it.

So what have I learned from this experience so far?  First is that no matter what keep writing, even when I am not sure anyone will get anything out of it.  I might just be the one that gets something.  Two, people respond when you least expect it and give encouragement!  Three, not all posts are good just like not all readers are going to be good, but they are all important.

The biggest thing I have learned though is that God is in control of it all!  I grew in my relationship with Him, learned His word better, and know more than ever my walk with Him is just that, mine!

I won't stop blogging, in fact, I will be more dedicated to it as I move forward!  It challenges me to be better, learn God's word, and therefore I hope it challenges you too!

So those that have been with me through the year, thank you!  Those just jumping on the ride, welcome!  And may we have a great future learning about God, sharing, and growing!

So what is to come?  Glad you asked!  I will have some more short stories out soon, poetry in the works too!  I am also working on some book reviews as I have about five I am working on now.  I also want to do a series on the scriptures themselves that deal with being gay and really look at them.  Maybe even get some blog posts where I interview different people.  I would love to get some of the authors and preachers I know to do a questionnaire and be on here.  And as always, suggestions are welcome!

Thank you again and know I love yall for reading this even if you don't agree with me!

Monday, September 11, 2017

Death of a Lesbian

That is what should have been said two years ago!  I was in a dark place, I thought dirt was more valuable than me.  I was in deep depression, in an abusive relationship, and saw no way out.  I thought the world would be better without me.  So, after a night of hearing how horrible I was, I hit a very big low and decided I had enough.

I can remember sitting on my bed and unloading all my pills into one pile.  I took a leather belt and attached it to the wall.  I sat there, crying, and wrote a final note.  I then downed every last pill.  I took a whole bottle of Latuda, Lamictal, Synthroid, Tylenol pm, and Advil pm.  I blacked out.

Three days later, I woke up in the hospital.  My mother was there and we just looked at each other.  I did not realize it had been three days.  I immediately wanted out of the hospital and get back to life since I failed.  Yet if you asked me, I did not want to live either.

I stayed two weeks in a mental hospital till I could prove that I was not going to do anything at the time.  When I got out, I stayed in a hotel as I no longer had a home to go to.  I worked and slept.  I was still in the dark place and thought about dying daily, but I could not figure out how to do it and be successful.

A few months went by and I decided something had to change.  I reached out, honestly reached out.  I got in touch with a preacher of my past and asked for help.  I didn't want to feel like I did and I did not know how to change.

I did not know then that my whole life would change.  I got honest with this old friend of mine for the first time.  I did not run from the pain.  I really wanted to change and I knew what I was doing was not working.

I did not know then that the work of God to bring me back to Him was already in place.  I was doubting my pagan belief and already made up my mind to walk from it, but I was not prepared for where I walked to.  I began going to church, I met with my preacher friend weekly, and I started researching things.

I had to do my homework.  I needed to know I would be accepted no matter what and that me being gay was not a big deal.  I started reading books, I started this blog a year ago, and I got busy.  Before I knew it, I was ready to dedicate my life to God and wanted to live.

So why have I written all this?  It is not to get a good job or apologize, but to show to people even if it is just one person, that things can change.  That there is coming back from the depths of suicide and depression.  That it can be done.

So what did it take?  How was I able to go from wanting to die to want to live?  The simple answer would be God.  But there was more to it than that.  There was a process to follow.

  1. Step one, let go of the idea of dying.
  2. Step two, realize things had to change.
  3. Allow someone I trust into my life to help me.
  4. Ask for help.
  5. Research for myself about things.
  6. Let go of old thoughts and ideas
  7. Let God into my life
  8. Let God work in my life
  9. Praise God for the work
  10. Decide to live again.
Sure there was more to it, like hours of talking things out.  And there were days that I had to force myself out of bed.  There were times I didn't want to work and times I didn't want to go to counseling.  Yet, even when I didn't want to, I went.  I was committed to changing my life!

To this day I still see my preacher weekly.  I don't feel right when we don't meet.  I have learned much about life and God over time through all this.  And I know a new freedom and joy of life.

If you are out there, you don't want to live but you don't want to feel that way, there is the help available.  Reach out, even if it is to a stranger like me.  Talk, nothing changes till you talk and get help. I will leave you with this final thought:

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.
John 1:4

To live, we must die to self and it is then we find life in Christ!

Monday, September 4, 2017

I believe in you!

I have no scripture to go with this today, just words, my words.  I know usually, I try to tie in something but after looking, I did not find anything that I could use that said what I was trying to say.   
Isn't it nice when someone comes along and says they believe in you, right?  You say thank you and inside you get all hopeful.  Especially if you are having a hard time believing in yourself.  I speak from experience.  My faith in self is always going up and down.  Some days I can say I got this and others not so much.  Yet when one person says we got this, I believe in you, then my whole attitude changes.

So how does God say he believes in us?  Simple, He believed so much in us that He sent His only son to die for us.  What a powerful thing that is!  If you have read my blog, you know that I have a son, he is adopted out.  My love and belief in him were so strong that I gave him the life he could flourish in.  Not give him up so others could be saved.  God though, gave His son for us.  He said these people are worth saving and for that, there needs to be a sacrifice like no other.

When I asked my preacher what scripture to say for this, he reminded me of Romans 7 starting in verse 15 to verse 25.  It says:

 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature[d] a slave to the law of sin.

So there it is, though I am sinful, God says I will deliver you cause I believe in you!  A scripture that came to my mind as I wrote this is Deuteronomy 31:6.

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

I have learned in the years I have been alive, that those that love you and believe in you are those that never leave you!  So here is God saying it!  How beautiful a scripture!  And if that is not enough then there is Hebrews 13:5-6.

Don't be obsessed with getting more material things.  Be relaxed with what you have.  Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you." We can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I'm fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?

God is there all the time for us and He believes in us more than we can ever imagine!  I will leave you with one final scripture.  I find this one of hope that says to me even when I don't believe in me, He does.  In Jeremiah 29:13 God says:

When you come looking for me, you'll find me.  Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.

I have to look for God, but it is easy to find Him because He is right there with me and believing in me!

Saturday, September 2, 2017

When the floods hit.

"I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.”
Genesis 9:11

As we deal with the flooding of Houston, where I currently live, I am reminded that God will not flood the Earth totally again.  I can not imagine though how Noah must have felt with 40 days of rain!  I was going stir crazy with 4!  By the time I left my home, I was in a deep depression.  I will never go through a storm alone again.  

I am very grateful that my home was not destroyed, that I have a job to return to immediately, and food to still last me.  So many of my friends are not so lucky.  Some are staying in shelters, friends' houses, or hotels.  Some have lost everything.  And some have lost even loved ones.

Houston will recover from this, but like Ike changed us, this storm Harvey has changed us too.  For now, people are not caring what religion you are, what race you are, what sexuality you are, or what political party you subscribe to.  People are just helping people!

It is overwhelming the amount of generosity that has come out of this.  Strangers helping strangers.  People from all over the world donating to help.  People feeding each other.  It is truly a time the community has set aside differences and come together as one.

It would be nice we could take this from this point and continue it.  We may not have a storm seen on radar going on but may have an emotional storm or financial storm or family storm.  We never know what another may be going through.  Storms are not just physical.

I know for me when someone reaches for a hand of help, I will give what I can!  And sometimes it is just praying for someone, a hug, or time to listen.  Not caring about the differences that separate us but caring that we are all human and need help.

What are you doing today to help someone in a storm?  Are you in one and need help?  I don't do this often but I offer my number for anyone who needs help to call.  I may not be able to help in some ways like financially but I will help in what ever way I can.  Just call 832-570-7023 and know there will be a friendly ear to listen!

Friday, August 18, 2017

You've have no idea how a lesbian feels in a straight setting who don't accept completely!

I am a foreigner to my own family, a stranger to my own mother’s children...
Psalm 69:8

People just assume that there is no emotional recourse from them not accepting a gay person.  They just act as though it is okay.  Well, it's not!  When you are gay, you constantly wonder who will accept you, or at least I do!

You are careful who to let know at church, family gatherings, and at work.  You want to be open and honest about you, but you learn not everyone will accept so you don't say a word.  You don't deny it either, but you don't announce.  When they say when will you find a man, you just laugh and change the subject.  When they talk about dates, you just listen.  When the world is thinking straight, you have to accommodate to them.

There are times I want to say, stop!  I am gay, I won't have a man, I go on dates with a woman, I am gay!  Yet for safety, I don't say a word.  I could lose my job, my church, or family.  I am as out as I can be, but still, I can't just talk about things normally cause than others will react.

I dream of a day when me saying I am with a woman is not a threat to someone.  Why should it be?  It is not affecting them!  Who I date should not be a bad thing.  Yet, let's say at church, I am careful who I let know about dates.  I don't want to be judged and I don't want to hear their comments of condemnation.

So what does this do to a person and their psyche?  Well, it tells them that they are not accepted.  It says there is something wrong with you.  It says you are not wanted.  And we wonder why there is such a high suicide rate in the LGBTQ community, especially among teens!

If you are part of the LGBTQ community, you can't change the straight community.  But if you are part of the straight community you can change it!  Show acceptance and love to start with.  Don't make a big deal if someone is gay.  Be supportive and let them know that they are good people.

How we treat each other today is just saddening.  If we truly cared to follow God's commands, then we know we must love.  Love is an action word.  It means to be kind, be compassionate, be what you want to have back to you!  It means accept!  If we just learned to accept, we would find the world a lot better of a place.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

What is it like being in the Church of Christ and a lesbian?

I think the questions I get asked the most is: Why the Church of Christ?  Are there not more accepting churches out there?  Won't I feel more acceptance at one of them?  Doesn't the Church of Christ condemn being gay? How do you deal with that?

These are good questions.  Let's start with the why question.  Simple, I grew up in the Church of Christ.  It is what I know and feels the most comfortable at.  It also helps that the preacher is a life long friend.  The Church of Christ has the values I want in my life, beliefs that I hold dear, and way of doing things that feel like home.  It is my spiritual home.

Yes, there are more churches out there that are more accepting of gays and lesbians, but I find them to be more about "look at how we accept you" than about being on the topic of God and Christ.  I want to go to church and feel like I have worshipped and got a lesson on God and not just told of how accepting of gays a church is.  This is one reason I love the Church of Christ, it is not pushing an agenda, just talking about God and all about Christianity.

Does the Church of Christ condemn being gay?  Depends on which one you go to!  The Church of Christ is autonomous and each one can choose what it holds onto in each subject.  For instance, some of the churches have musical instruments and some don't.  Some are liberal and some are conservative.  The one I go to believes that what you do in your personal life is between you and God.  That we are not there to condemn but to come as a body to worship God.

I have some in my church that doesn't approve of my lifestyle, some who tolerate it, and some that approve.  Yet each one of them accepts me as me!  This makes it very easy to deal with being gay in the church.  We teach "Love the sinner, but hate the sin in your own life and when you get rid of it, then go to your brother and help him."  None of us get rid of sin in our own life, not completely, so, therefore, we cannot go to our brother and fix his life.  We can pray for them though!

One of the reasons though that I stay with the Church of Christ though is how can I expect the church to grow to accept gays if I don't stay?  I am involved in helping people understand being gay and what that means.  I am there to show that we are humans too.  I am there for the next person that wants to come along and be part of.  I am there to help the parent of a gay child to understand their child.  If the church is to change, it needs people to be part of, not walk away because it is easier elsewhere.

The Church of Christ has come a long way, but it still has a way to go.  One day, I know it will be a church that gays are not scared to go to!  I will be there to see it happen and I will know that maybe, just maybe, with God by my side, I had a part to play in that!  So this is why I am in the Church of Christ and why I stay!

Friday, August 4, 2017

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Be a Rainbow!

Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.
Ezekiel 1:28

Those that know me know I love rainbows.  I am effectuated with them.  On my personal computer, there is a picture of one and it says "Be a rainbow in someone else's cloud" by Maya Angelou.  I think about this saying often.  What does it mean?  How can I be a rainbow?

In life, there are many dark clouds that seem to pour on us, but we can be a rainbow to each other by encouragement and giving hope.  I see a rainbow and it reminds me that the rain will stop and God's love that He won't flood the Earth.  When being a rainbow to someone, it is reminding them that this will end and that God won't flood them where they can't survive.

There are people that do this automatically and shine when they walk into a room, but for some it is work.  So, for those that it is work, here are some simple things to help:

  1.  Do your best to be positive.  We choose daily if we are going to be positive or negative.  It is easy to get all wrapped up in the bad and let the flood of things get us down to where we are no good to anyone.  Yet, if we look at the good, we will find that the storm ends quicker.  And when we are being positive, we can be that hope to someone going through their own storm.
  2. Pray for good things upon the people who have storms going on.  There is power in prayer!  It can change things and people.  God wants to be part of the rainbow making and He wants to hear from us.  So don't only pray for the person, but that you yourself are a rainbow to others.
  3. Share your experience, strength, and hope with the person.  Sometimes knowing others have gone through storms in their life and made it, helps the other person know that there is hope and that it will end soon.
  4. Give hope to people.  Let them know that nothing is forever and that there is a good side coming.  My preacher tells me that there have to be highs and there have to be lows, it's called life.  And it tells you that you are alive.  Think about it, do you want your heart rate to be flat?  No, it has peaks and valleys that let you know you are ticking along.  So remind people that there will be a bright side to the storm.
  5. Give them a hug.  There is power in human touch and giving a hug will do a world of good.  It says, "I am not alone!"  And it allows the other person to let down their walls and release the negative and be acceptive to the good.
Sure there are more things that you can do, but these are just a simple suggestions that could make the world of difference in someone's world.  We all must do our part to show a loving concern for each person and be a rainbow in someone's cloud!

Saturday, July 22, 2017

God's court room!

For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.
Romans 14:10

The courtroom is filled, the scene is set.  The prosecutor snares, the Devil himself ready to present his case.  There is no jury as this is going to be just before the judge, the God almighty.  The defendant stands in the middle shaking.

"Lord, let me tell you of Sally Sue here.  She has a history of sins.  She stole, she lied, she had sex out of wedlock, she cheated on her taxes, she cheated on her husband, she divorced him, she has not one but two felonies...." Satan kept going with his list.  Sally just hung her head as she knew her case did not sound good.  She just knew that she displeased the Lord.

"Lord, she has done wrong, she is a sinner and she belongs with sinners, not in Heaven!  She is undeserving of you love!"

"Stop!"  The defense attorney yells out!  And Christ rises at this point.  He walks up to Sally and raises her head and whispers in her ears, "I got this, don't worry."

With that Christ turned around and looked at God, "Hey Dad, how are you?"

"Hey Son, I am good and you?"  God said.

"Listen, I was listening to Satan but he left out something very important, see Sally here, well, she was baptized and is one of my sisters, she has been washed by my blood, I paid her debt."  Christ proclaimed.

"Well son, why didn't you say so!  Case dismissed, Sally welcome home!"  And with that, Sally was lead to the freedom of Heaven.

Interesting story huh?  You can almost imagine it!  Just put yourself there as Sally, standing before God, Satan reading off all you did wrong in your life, but Christ with just one sentence making things perfect and you were set free!

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Guilt of being a Christian and Lesbian...Is there any?

Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me?
John 8:46

Today I got an email that asked a very important question. It was "Please how do you handle the guilt of being a Christian and a lesbian?"  I have been meaning to write on this subject for some time now and just not gotten to it.  I get asked this a lot believe it or not.

I honestly don't have any guilt.  Not from that!  Sure I have guilt in my life, but it stems from sins that are not because I am gay.  I don't feel being gay as a sin.  I have read too many books on the matter and studied too much to believe that it is wrong to be gay.  I honestly believe that I didn't just wake up one day and say "Hey, I think I am gay"  No, I know I was born this way.

Knowing that I came from the womb this way, made this way and knowing that in Genesis 1:26 it says that we are made in God's image, then that means even the gay me is in God's image.  I am not a mistake.  It would be like saying an autistic child is not in God's image when really they are more like God than maybe a lot of us are.

So with this knowledge, I can not feel guilty that I am gay.  Yet that does not say that I can not have the guilt of acting on being gay, so the question is do I?  No!  Not one bit!  Why?  You may be saying, "But Lesley, there is scripture that says it is wrong!"  Is there?  I have studied these scriptures left, right, sideways, and all around.  Read books about them, and come to the conclusion that really it was not the act of homosexuality but the acts of rape and idolatry that they are talking about in them.

Nowhere in the Bible does it actually say, "Homosexuality, the act of a loving committed relationship, is wrong!"  It does say that acts that are of cruel nature, acts that are worshipping other gods are wrong, but not where it is natural for a person to love another and committed to that person.

In 1 John 3, we read of God's love and how we are to love.  I honestly believe that where there is love, then there is God.  Where there is hate, then there is not God.  How then can you explain that a gay couple can flourish and grow who love's God and each other?  Because God is in their life!  I am single, I love God, and since I have come home to the church, pronounced my love of God, and moved forward in my walk with God, He has been evident in my life!  How you may ask?  Well, I have been flourished at work with more sales that increased my pay, got a better living arrangement, got a brand new car, this blog has flourished, and I have been blessed with a slew of new friends.

So no, I don't feel guilty being gay and Christian.  I love that I am both!  I don't have an issue with it.  And I pray for the day when one doesn't have to say "Gay Christian" and we are all just Christian.  Just like I pray for the day we are all just people not straight or gay, but just people.  Till then, I don't mind being the Church of Christ Lesbian plowing through this world one blog post at a time hoping to help others know it is okay and to form your own opinion that there are others of us out there!

God bless you and know you don't have to feel guilty!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

You are not alone!

 Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote,

God is there, ready to help;
I’m fearless no matter what.
Who or what can get to me?
Hebrews  13:5-6

In life it is easy to think that we are alone.  I fight with this a lot.  I soon will be living alone with just my dog and part of me thinks that life will be like this forever.  I forget though that I am truly not alone.  I have friends, I have family, and I have God.

It is easy though for my mind to say things like "they will leave" or "they are not here now with you" and for me to get depressed.  Yet I don't have to look far to find scripture that says God is right there with me.  I need that!

This world can get lonely, friends may leave, family dies, and at times you will reach out and no one is able to be there, but God always reaches back.  One reason I love having a dog, is no matter what, she is there.  I can snuggle up to her, and tell my day to her.  Well, no matter what, I can pray and tell my day to God.  I may not always feel God, but I can tell my day to God.

And when I really need a human touch, I have prayed for God to send someone and you know what, someone has always appeared.  Maybe not who I thought or how I thought, but someone has always appeared to be there for me.  And sometimes, it is them reaching out for help.  Which got me out of me!

We are not alone in this world, God made us to be social!  That is why He gave us a church family.  Utilize that!  Reach out to them.  Get to know them!  Make connections!  How else are you to have people who care if you don't get to know them?

And this goes to me too!  I am horrible at reaching out and getting to know mine.  I don't go eat with people and go to functions where I get to know them.  I don't participate in extra things.  I say hi to just a few.  But I am working on it.

Church is important and surrounding yourself with God's people is important.  Well, I am going to leave it with that and go join my church in playing some softball!  Taking my own words to heart!

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Christian Lesbian Dating In A Non-Christian World

Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world’s a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and modest dove— leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.
Song of Solomon 2:16-17

I have found it very different dating today then when I dated before I became a Christian.  In the past, I would not care about things like sex, drinking, and so forth.  Yet now I do.  I don't want to just jump in bed with anyone, especially on the first date.  And I don't want to be on a date where all they do is drink up the bar.

I do look for women with similar values and I ask if they are Christian or not.  I get, I believe but I don't go to church or anything.  I get it.  I mean the church has not always been there for the LGBT community.  So why go?  Yet, I want to meet someone that will go with me.  Is that too much to ask?

Today, I meet these women and they seem to be more about when can we have sex then building a relationship.  If that is all it is about, then I am not for them.  I am also not looking for a uhaul date.  I want to build a relationship.  I want a foundation.  

I keep wondering where my person is.  You know, that one that lives a Christian life, wants to build a relationship before jumping into bed, that doesn't find it necessary to get drunk every chance they get, and is stable in their life.  Some one that I can walk beside and support as they do me.

Dating in a world full of the opposite though is tough.  You have to get out there and just meet people and have the time they want to meet at some bar.  Why?  Cause the only place that is truly open to lesbians having a date is the lesbian bar cause there is not a lesbian coffee house.  Or besides online, the only place to meet others is at the bar cause they are not at the churches.

That is the sad thing, you can't meet a good Christian woman at church because even if they are there, you don't know it.  I would love to walk into my church one day and meet the lady of my dreams.  Maybe one day, but today is not the day.

For now, it is online sites with the hope that I can meet someone that is not too out there in the world.  One of the things though that does help, before I reach out to anyone, I pray about it.  I ask God to be involved in the interaction.  If it is to be a good one, then let it be.  I ask that He also let me be a testament to Him and be firm in my beliefs and not falter just cause she is cute.

That is hard.  There are times that I meet someone and they are very beautiful, there is much chemistry and we hit it off.  And oh how I would love to do more then just kiss them.  For goodness sake I am still alive!  I choose not to because I choose to wait till I am in a committed relationship contracted under God.  So I have a choice to make, follow my heart and brain or follow my glands.  That is when prayer comes in, I pray that God keeps me on track.

I have learned that it is easier to date when I bring God into the equation and let Him take the lead.  Those that are not meant to be there for me, seem to disappear.  Those that have some purpose in my life even if not to date, stay in it.  But no matter what I must have God first!

Monday, June 26, 2017

Story time - A Pride Story She couldn't walk away!

There she was, listening to him spit out his vial words.  Wondering how this was to lead people to God.  He shouted things like "God hates your sin and you won't go to heaven" and "You are evil"  He was turning red with anger and you could see his frustration that people were not listening to him, or if they were, they were not doing what he wanted.

Julie, a newly baptized Christian, feeling a little spunky, just couldn't sit there though and watch this without saying something.  Though she had just been baptized, she was raised in the church.  She knew the Bible inside out.  She studied it and read all she could about the scriptures that were against homosexuality.  She also read many more.  Here was her chance, she had blown it when her father came at her, but now, she knew she could do it!

Walking firm holding on to her cross necklace, she marched up to the guy, through the crowd, and got his attention. She then quoted scripture to him, Starting with Matthew 7:1-5 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

"You have a plank of homosexuality in your eye mam, get it out before you burn!" he spatted back.

She came at him with "Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

"I am to tell you of your sin, I am to to judge you!  You are living in sin!  You are an abomination to God, you are going to Hell"

"You can judge for God?" She comely asked.

"He has charged us to deliver each other from sin, and you are living an unatural lifestyle!" he yelled at her.

"Unnatural? Then why are there animals who are homosexual?"

"Because they live in sin!"

"Animals sin?"

"Yes because of Adam and Eve, all creatures sin!"

"Oh really, interesting"

"You are not a Christian and you must be born again and repent!"

"I am a Christian and been born again!" Julie said confidently

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Do you?"

"I asked you first" His voice still raising and yelling at her.

"John 3 tells us we are born again when we are born through the water and spirit aka baptism, full immersion, done after admission that Christ is the son of God and our Savior." Julie replies calmly.

"No, you don't know, and if that is what you believe then you are not born again!" He yells at her.

Seeing that she was not going to get any where and that the crowd was getting restless and that they were starting to want more then an argument with the guy, Julie thought quick.  She spouted out one more scripture "Romans  14:1-4 Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.  For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ’s table, wouldn’t it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn’t eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God’s welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help."

"I will never fellowship with anyone that doesn't see it my way as it is God's way!" He shouted at her!

"Then you leave me one choice!" She calmly said.

Then Julie took a deep breath, braced herself, and with the loudest voice she could muster, she let out these words: "Heavenly Father, God above all, Hear our prayer, bless us this day and bless this man and bring peace to him and help him deal with this ego that he has.  Help him find that he does not have to find the specks in others eyes when he has many in his own to deal with.  It is okay God, I know he thinks he is doing your work, but he doesn't know the damage he is doing.  Help him move on and find a better use of his energy.  God, loving father, we bow before you, We your people help us show your love to those that don't show us your love.  Help us show your mercy that won't think twice to show it to us.  Let us show that we are all your children!  God, great Father, walk with us guiding us in love!  It is in your son's name we come, amen!"

When Julie opened her eyes, he was silent, he picked up his speaker and walked away.  The crowed cheered. And Julie started one last thing she got them to chant, God is love!

Proud of herself, she whispered, "Thank you God, you did that!"

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Accepting the gay you from others!

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ’s table, wouldn’t it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn’t eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God’s welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.
Romans 14:1-4

What a powerful scripture!  Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do!  Not force your belief or only accept those that see things exactly as you do!  But welcome fellow believers.  Accept people as they are.  

For those that don't know, I have been struggling with my own family accepting the fact that I am a lesbian.  They think that I can't be a lesbian and a Christian.  They use the scripture to say this, though I have studied the same ones and see it different.  They refuse to agree to disagree on this. 

This is a hard pill to swallow.  I mean I accept them. I accept all of them.  I see them accept all of my brother.  He is no saint and I see them accept him.  He drinks, sleeps around, brings over women that he lives with and not married to, and they accept it.  But because it is a straight relationship, it is okay and they accept it.  But me, no, I will never feel this kind of acceptance.

I will never be able to bring home my girlfriend.  I will never be able to have family at my wedding when that happens.  I can't talk about who I am seeing.  I can't talk about what I dream about.  I am expected to live a life alone.  And it hurts.

This is not acceptance.  This is rejection.  This is putting me in a cell.  This is forcing a life on me that is not what I feel God would want for me.  I know that I am not alone in this.  I know that there are others out there that have it even worse.  Who may say, at least your family is talking to you and not disowning you.

At one time they did, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I don't know what happened that changed their mind, but something did.  I guess God.  I know I am blessed that they are talking to me and love me and not turning their back away, but still the fact that they won't accept all of me and that there is a part of my life that they will never be a part of, hurts.

I know walking this life, there are going to be people in this world that don't accept the fact that I am a lesbian.  There are going to be those in the church that won't accept that.  Yet God teaches us to accept fellow believers even when we don't see eye to eye.   And you know what, a friend of mine said it best, "Let's say there is a billion people on this earth and two don't accept you and refuse to.  Well there are 999,999,998 who accept you as you are!"

Monday, June 19, 2017

Can a lesbian be baptized?

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
Romans 6:4

The simple answer to the question is yes, a lesbian can be baptized!  How do I know? Cause I was just baptized!  I know what you are thinking, you have been writing this blog for awhile and you are saying you just now got baptized?  Well, I was baptized as a kid, say about 12.  I did it then cause my folks wanted, the rest of the kids were doing it, but I didn't believe then.  I believed that others believed, but I didn't.  I wanted to make others happy.

So, now as an adult, I started questioning that baptism.  Was it for real?  I never questioned it before and always called myself a Christian, but now that I was taking God serious and really believing, I wanted things to be right.

So after much meditation, talking with the preacher, and prayer, I did it.  I took the plunge.  And you know what, I understand the freedom and high that others talk about now.  I understand feeling clean from it now.  I didn't come out of saying I am straight, no I am still gay.  I didn't come out perfect, I will still have faults, I am human after all.  Yet, I came out feeling like I have a clean slate, like a new person who now has a fresh start in life.

I came out not feeling guilty for the first time in years.  I imagine I was and am the first lesbian that my church has ever baptized.  Yet I know I won't be the last.  I know, now, that I can be used by God to the full extent He has planned as truly one of His children.

I am found now, no longer lost.  I died to self and raised in Him.  So yes, if you are gay, you can be baptized and that part of you, will still be there!  It is part of you!  God just takes away that which is sinful and the past that made you unacceptable in His eyes.

So, now, what will this mean for me?  Who knows?  All I know, is now that I am God's child through baptism, I will serve Him how He has me.  It is no longer me driving!

Below is my own baptism!


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Christ accepts Gays, Why can't others?

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”

Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”

The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment.
Matthew 8:5-13

The words for this slave in Greek used for slave in this passage were pias (Matthew) and entimos doulos (Luke). Pias meant a male sex slave where entimos doulos meant honored slave. I have been studying this scripture left and right. I just keep trying to make sure that I am right in this. I mean it is a big deal, Christ healing a person no matter what is a big deal but to even hint that he healed a male sex slave that was used in a homosexual relationship that involved a loving relationship? Wow! Mind blown! This just shows that we have such a limited mind that we can't believe that God would have anything to do with homosexuality when in fact He does.

I can just imagine this scripture today. Here is a man going to the great healer. Scared for his lover that he might die, but knowing this man he hears about can heal him. Yet he is a Roman and the other a Jew. And it is not just any one that he wants healed, it is his beloved male lover. True a slave, but someone he loves and someone that he can't imagine his life without.

He approaches Christ, probably timidly at first. He does not even say come heal him, he says what is wrong with him. Christ has to ask if he wants Him to heal him. The Roman then says all you have to do is say the word and he is healed. Christ then praises him for his belief and faith. He does not mock him for his homosexual relationship. He doesn't tell him to stop it. He simply says, "Hey yall, see this, this is the kind of faith you should have!"

Christ was an amazing man, not just because He was and is God's son, but because of how He accepted people. Here He could have said, "You are living in sin, I am not going to heal your slave!" Yet He didn't! He didn't even tell him to stop living like this. Usually Christ would say to someone that He healed and was doing something wrong in His eyes, go and sin no more, but He didn't say that to this man.

So if Christ, our example of God's love in action on Earth, accepted and showed love and healing to a gay man, why can't we? Okay I do, but I am gay. It just saddens me that others don't. God is a loving God, not one of hate. And where there is hate,there is not God!

God showed love to this Roman Centurion and his male lover who happened to be a slave. God shows love to the gays now and blesses us! How else do you think we are prosperous in our lives? God shows love to us, so why can't those who proclaim Him not do the same?

Oh I know, because they don't know God, they don't know what it means to be Christ like! If they did then they would act different. To know God means to know that we do not speak for Him. To know God means to know He is the God of acceptance. To know God means to know He is a God of love. To know God means to know that we have no place standing in judgment of another.

I know that I am preaching to the choir, I know that most who read this are already accepting to gays or are gay themselves. Why else would you be reading? I wrote this though for hope that maybe, just maybe someone who isn't stumbles across this blog and gets another view and opens their ears and eyes to acceptance!

I truly believe God is sitting up there saying, "Come on yall, you are better then this! I taught love and acceptance, not hate! I never once said I hate you to one person!" Yes you just read that right, God never once said "I hate you!" He did say He hates sin, but sin is not the person! I think this is where we get off track. And homosexuality, well, it is one of those things that we are going to have to agree to disagree on.

To some, like me, it is not a sin. To others, like my parents, it is a sin. Yet it don't matter, cause in the end, it will be God who we answer to! And I look at it this way, if I live a Christ like life, I don't feel He is going to say "Lesley, you led people to me, you did right on so many levels, I forgave you of your sins, but this one thing, you being gay, it is stopping you from getting in." That would be like saying a person who is divorced and remarried is not going to Heaven.

No Christ healed a gay man, He showed love and acceptance. He praised his faith. You know what I take from that, God puts our faith in Him, our love, as more important then anything. So before you hate on a person because they are different, think would Christ? NO! He would accept them, heal them, and love on them! He was the great acceptor!

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Agree to disagree ~ fighting against the Gays

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Matthew 5:9

You know most times the whole arguing about being gay and the Bible saying it is wrong does not get to me, but at times it does.  I wish at times I was better prepared or quicker to respond to it than I am when it comes up.  Yet I am not.

The Bible says to be a peacemaker though.  I am not to argue, but yet it is hard to not argue and fight for my rights.  I want to be heard and my side be known.  I want to be right.  Yet what is more important, to be right or have peace of mind and know that I am right in God's eyes?

It is easy to get caught up in the battle and loose focus on the war.  It is easy to get caught up on a hurdle and loose focus on the destination.  This fight is not about changing one or two people, but a movement of hundreds.  This is not even a war, and when we stop looking at it as that, when we address it from a peaceful movement, we can do much more.

You may be saying, but Lesley it is a war, we are being attacked daily.  Yes we are, but should we attack back or should we take the high road?  What would be more Christ like?  When He was attacked did He attack back?  No, he gave love back.  And so should we. 

And man is that hard.  Last night I was double teamed by my parents.  Told I was not really a Christian cause I am gay.  Preached to about how it is wrong to be gay.  And all I could do is sit there.  I cried inside cause here the two people I love, attacked me.  Yet, I am to honor them, not attack back.  So what can I do?  Pray for them!  Pray that we can agree to disagree, that we can have harmony, that we can have peace.

This is a time when we have had great strides to be far from where we were, but we have a long way to go!  And approaching it out of love and through prayer is not giving up, it is just taking it to God and letting Him approach it in a better way then we can.  And trust me, He can do miracles to open doors that we can't do!  He can bring it much easier and with less heartache!  And best part, when we do it God's way, we are following His word and not pushing our own agenda.

So fighting, well it can be done in love and peacefully.  It can be done by taking it to God.  It can be done without looking at it as a war, but a movement.  And in time things will change!  In the mean time, we can educate ourselves, we can educate others, we can pray, we can support each other, and we can build a network of others that support us too!  We are not alone and we have a God that will bless us if we only allow Him to do it His way!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Your not God's pet!

He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.
John 1:11-13

Last night I was scared.  I thought I had lost my dog.  I looked all over the back yard and she was no where to be found.  I got in my car and started searching the neighborhood, still no luck.  Then I expanded my search, and looked through the attaching neighborhoods.  I drove around for over an hour, praying and searching for my dog.  I was at a loss.  Stopping and asking everyone I saw, have you seen a little black dog.  Of course, no one saw her.

Finally I gave up, I went home and sat in the back yard and just cried my eyes out.  I prayed a prayer and cried.  Here I thought I lost her forever.  Next thing I knew, she came running back through the fence to me!  I jumped up in joy, my tears turned from pain to happy tears! I hugged her and wanted to throw a party!  My dog, my baby, my companion was home!  I told her "Don't ever do that again, you scared me!"  and "I love you!" like she could understand me, but she stood there and smiled and wagged her tail like she knew I loved her and understood!  And today, I am still shook up from it all and when I get home the first thing I will do is make sure the patch job I did on the hole she got out with held up.

It makes me think though, about God, how he values us more so then we value our pets.  I mean he talks about how precious we are to him and how valued the lost is and how important it is to find them.  There is three stories found about that in Luke 15.  First the lost sheep, then the lost coin, and finally the lost son.

I wonder, was God like me when I was lost in the world?  Did He look for me?  Did He give up and just cry?  Did He ask if I had been seen? And did God jump up and down when I came back to the church?  Did He say to the angels she is back!  And did he say to me, "Don't ever do that again, you scared me!"  and "I love you" and I not understand?  But I smiled and felt His love that day?  Does He still look to make sure I don't wonder too far?

I like to think that God does look for us when we are lost, He just uses people to do that.  He doesn't give up on us, but does cry for us.  And of course He jumps up and down when we come back to Him!  He rejoices when we return to His love!  

To God, we mean everything.  We are not pets.  We are children whom He loves.  When we are lost, He hurts, when we are found, He rejoices.  We are valuable no matter which way we are, but I tell you what, I would rather be found then lost!

Why?  Cause when found, I have shelter from the storm, warm place to sleep, food on the table, comfort, and a home!  Lost, I am alone and scared! But that is for another blog, right now, I just know as much as I love my dog, it is nothing compared to the love God has for me!

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Reasons your not gay

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
Matthew 7:1

If there is one thing that I get tired of hearing is that you are not really gay!  Really, really!  You know this?  You know what goes on inside me?  You know if I am gay or straight?  Here is just some of the things I have heard over the years.

"You are not gay cause at one time you married a guy"

"You are not gay because you had a son"

"You are not gay because you dated men at one time"

"You are not gay, you will go back to being straight once you accept that."

"You will be straight once you accept Jesus Christ"

"You will be straight once you find the right man"

"You just haven't accept all of God's scripture, when you do you will be straight."

"You just need to be cured, you really are straight, this is just an illness."

"You will grow out of this phase"

"You will change your mind once you have been hurt enough"

"No guy did anything for you because they weren't Godly relationships, when you do get one that is, you will be straight"

And the list can go on.  It is tiresome and the sad part is, this is just from my family, not outsiders.  People outside my family are more receptive to me being gay and don't try to change me.

They may say, "I don't approve of it, but I accept you."  I know that these people would even be there for me if I were to be in a relationship.

It breaks my heart that one day, when I am in said relationship, that I will not have family there for the wedding, that I won't bring my significant other to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and to other family gatherings.  That to my family, fine, be gay, just be single and alone cause it is wrong to act on it.  It hurts to know that I am not going to have their blessing to be fully me.

My comfort though, I know that I can go before God as full me and know that I am accepted.  He says I am His child.  Made by Him.  I know when I stand in His presence He don't see my sins or that I am bipolar or that I am an alcoholic or that I am gay, He sees that I am covered by Christ's blood and I am His child.

I truly believe if Christ walked the Earth today, He would say "Come on yall, accept Homosexuality and get past it.  There is more important things.  I was saying no to things that caused harm not the loving committed monogamous relationships that is of today."

I have on my desk a sticky note that reads "If God likes me, I like me, and you don't like me, the problem is with you!"  I know I have to remember this.  I am not the problem if you don't accept.  My only concern is that relationship between God and myself.

So if you are like me, heard all the "You are not gay" crap, have people that don't accept all of you, hang in there.  The issue is with them, not you.  Love them and pray for them.  Accept them where they are and know that you are not alone!

Friday, May 26, 2017

Book Review - Quench! refreshing devotionals by gay, trans, and affirming Christians – December 1, 2009 by Rev. Jeff Miner (Author), John Tyler Connoley (Author), Keith J. Phillips (Author), Steve Adams (Author), & 12 more

This is not your typical book of daily devotions!
Join this unique group of writers in daily meditation, and quench your spiritual thirst with heart-felt, real-world reflections by fellow Christians who are lesbian, gay, transgender, straight and affirming, lay and clergy. You will find yourself never thirsty with the living water poured out in Quench!
Each of the 100 entries in this book has three parts:
Today's Scripture. After you read the day's passage, we recommend you take some time to meditate on it and ask yourself, What might God be saying to me from this? Does any word, phrase, or idea stand out? It may help to summarize your thoughts in a sentence or two before reading on.
Our Thoughts. The authors will share what they have taken from the scripture.
Thought for the Day. This is something you can take with you, to remember and ponder throughout the day.

This is really a unique book!  I have enjoyed the entries I have read so far.  It does not have daily entries like a normal daily devotional, but you can treat each one daily.  Now you do have to have your Bible with you as the scriptures are not printed in it.  One thing I found as a down fall as I wanted to keep it at the office, but that is okay.  It allows me to get better acquainted with my Bible again.

I really love how each passage makes you think.  It is thought provoking and brings you to question things you may have not thought of before.  If you are looking for something that brings you closer to God and makes you really think about things, this is the book for you!

Book Review The Word Is Out: Daily Reflections on the Bible for Lesbians and Gay Men January, 1999 by Chris Glaser (Author)

Glaser defines The Word as an intimate, loving encounter with God. Through reflection on the Bible in the light of the particular experience of lesbians and gay men, that Word may emerge and embrace a community that the church has often rejected. Each entry of this year-long daily devotional begins with a scripture verse and concludes with a prayer or affirmation.

Okay, I normally don't review a book till I have read a book all the way through, but this book is not a normal book.  It truly is a daily devotional book and so far, I am enjoying it.  I am a few days into it and it is very good.  It may have been written in 1999, but it stands true with today's time.

I had been looking for one and this book is just one of my daily devotional books.  I highly recommend it!

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Don't Rush God's Timing!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9

I don't know about you but I forget that God has this and I try to rush Him.  I want things and I want it now!  And oh how I get myself into trouble!  I push for things and find myself in a heap trying to get out of it and having to beg God to help me once more fix things, but if I had just let Him do things in His time, it would have been much easier.

For instance, I really wanted to get a laptop.  I justified getting it because then I could post here more easily at home and work on my book.  I could have waited, shopped around, price checked, and made sure I had the funds.  Yet I wanted it now.  So I went off to Walmart and bought one.  Oh how nice it was, till I realized it didn't hold a charge.  Also, found online it cheaper.  And that money I used, well I should have saved because the car broke down and I needed to repair it and that meant I was short on funds for a week till pay day.  I should have waited.

Another example, I tried to rush God's timing in dating.  I wanted someone and was tired of being alone.  So, I started looking online.  I met a few people but every time I tried to go on a date, they would cancel.  I started to get depressed and think no one wanted me.  Then it dawned on me, I was still working on cleaning up my past, I was not ready for a relationship.  Friends yes, girlfriend no.  When I realized this, I was able to be content in the matter and not be down about it.  God knew I could not be there for the other fully yet.  I still had healing to do.

And lastly, I wanted to rush and get my book out.  I wrote three days straight.  I thought I had done good.  I was proud of it.  I shared it though with three people and what I thought was a book turned out to be a good summary and not a story.  It was not ready to do the good that God has planned for it.  So now I am taking my time with it and writing the story out like I am supposed to.

God knows how things are to be, if we just get out of the way and follow His lead, then things go a lot easier.  I know for me I will meet the gal that will walk with me when we are both ready, I will finish the book when it is truly a story ready to help others, and all things done with His timing in mind are blessed.  So what are you forcing to be in your timing and what are you allowing to be in His timing?